P.S. I can't hear my feet
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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