just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
