I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
