More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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