You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
