it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
