he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
