Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
