my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
