Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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