just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
