I just threw up on my dentist
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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