And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
