fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
