i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
