I wish I could teleport
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
