I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
