mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
