I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You made out with two different species that night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
