bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
