So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
