His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
