he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
