I puked a lego.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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