I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
