can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
