I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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