He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
