How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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