So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
