I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
