it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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