Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
