Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
