piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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