Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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