Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
