Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You were trust falling into bushes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
