Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
