Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
