just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
