Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
