we're chasing vodka with high fives
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
