I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
