Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
