he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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