I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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