Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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