I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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