Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
