You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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