Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
