that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
