dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
