So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
