"it" just moved
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
