So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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