It's like God shit irony all over that family
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
