Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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