bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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