Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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